he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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