Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
