Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
