I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
