I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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