there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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