i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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