"it" just moved
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
