omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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