Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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