my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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