how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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