Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
