You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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