whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
