Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
