I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
