watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
