I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize