just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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