i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
