if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I could fuck to npr.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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