Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
