I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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