Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
