he shaved USA in his pubs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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