i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
