i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
