just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
