my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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