I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
