If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
