turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
