I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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