u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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