Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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