Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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