he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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