Plan B is the new Plan A
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
