I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
