He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
