no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
