I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
