I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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