your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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