do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
