So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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