my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
