I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
