Jerry, you need to find god
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
