you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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