You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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