but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
