Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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