sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
