im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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