Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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