we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
