Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
where are my eyebrows?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
