I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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