Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
