that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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