so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will be naked everywhere
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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