jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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