Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
