the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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