Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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