Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
