So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
