So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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