I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
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