Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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