Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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