The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
