i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
