well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
