i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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