If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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