he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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