Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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