Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
