I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
