I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
