my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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