It's like God shit irony all over that family
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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